There are a lot of connotations attributed to the role of a female. In one aspect she is seen as a driving force that yields change, impact and value, in another note she is objectified to fulfil a certain context of a servant, weakness and worthlessness and in another footing she is seen as non-essential whether she puts in value or not. There are a lot of nuances and undertones that cannot be captured in one expression yet all can be felt, experienced and lived whether positive or negative and this comes with no punches spared by people of all sexes, races, creeds and generations.
Khodani grew up in a world that all the nuances and undertones that come with being a female have been affected on her. She has been made to feel larger than life, invincible and wise and in the same vein she has been subjected to feeling lower than an ant’s shadow and in many instances she has been overlooked and made to feel of no value at all. She has walked the road, taken in all the experiences, absorbed the lessons and out of it, she has chosen to entrench the attitude of consciously asserting the fact that she matters.
She walks with a stance of an overly confident peacock, declares words of affirmation and reassurance in her conversations and lives a life that seems self-serving. She carries the amour of a thick skin with a fashionable feminine touch to avoid looking rough around the edges. It is a fine balance of being tough and yet supple enough to make a statement of worth. Khodani recently faced the demon straight in it’s face when she had to let go of her partner who she believed they were compatible in many ways.
They dated over 5 years when she literally took Nina Simon’s quote “You have got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served” the day that she decided it was time to pick up her dignity from the floor. One of the easiest and liberating decisions yet so heart wrenching at the same time to realise that he had not given their relationship that much value to begin with. He was not shaken by her departure. She had hoped for some resistance, questions or even tense exchanges to indicate that there was a bit of fire that still burned, but she knew it was not about the relationship but the value that the other placed on their partner. They had a perfect relationship, in the sense that it offered a lot of freedom, space and flexibility however it offered all that with the undertone that her presence was neither felt nor appreciated and the breakup indicated just that, after she poured her heart out on how it would not work he managed to groan a short “noted, well understood”.
A slap in the face! She did not expect marriage or luxurious trips all over the world out of the relationship, just validation that she mattered.
Khodani does understand one lesson out of this encounter and many more situations that carried the same nuances. That is, the value that one places on herself, no matter what script in life you live out, self worth and respect matter more than any other tag a woman can place on herself. Knowing that all woman have been given life because God trusted them to live it and out of that, what great respect we give to God living it knowing that we are worthy, valuable and important… knowing that we matter.