I have always grappled with the idea of having a purpose and the fear of dying without ever achieving it. This inferring that all along I have believed that the people whom I have loved and have passed away did not achieve their fullest purpose, more so if they have died young. One of the most torturous mindsets to carry in life. Believing, that a purpose never was fulfilled.
I cannot begin to count the number of times I knelt down and pleaded with God to drop-ship my purpose in one of my dreams or tether encryption through one of my daily habits or simply send a messenger who will come with a recipe and instructions on how to fulfil my purpose. A bit too self-indulging if I may say. Well, I have had moments of tearing up in the car, in the toilet, in my bedroom or any space of privacy where I could wallow in self-pity for my lack of distinct purpose.
On one of my lowest and self-hating days a colleague recently burst out as we entered the elevator at the end of the day “what have we done to deserve this!”. Immediately I related the exert to the daily run-of-the-mill of the 8 to 5 job and feel that my job is not attached in any way to my purpose. It crushed me even further. As much as the purpose is not necessarily meant to be attached to the way in which we earn a living, we hope that somehow it is linked to the energy and efforts of the 8 to 5 commitment.
Then a few days in of the continuous questioning of my purpose, I paused to ask a friend if they knew their purpose. Lucas (the meaning for this very common and un-decorated name is so profound it deserves its own blog), responded in a simplistic, tangible yet profound description of what his purpose was. It was something attached to his passion, something he is already doing in his line of work. With just a twist of having a more focused intent. Eye-roll, did I not just earlier indicate that I am not happy in my job and I find no personal fulfilment out of it? His answer could have been a little more complex and unattached to his livelihood you know? Envious of his answer, I could not ask “Mr perfect”any further probing questions (tongue out).
This begged for more self-introspection and no light bulb came on, not even a drop of a coin hit the floor but I just got it! My idea of purpose has been attached to the individual that stands at centre stage, addressing multitudes and most probably the God-complex of one raising a hand to a large number of people who miraculously getting instantaneously healed. What a dream, what a lie and a bit of a narcissistic way to think.
So, the purpose is simple, uncomplicated and earnestly about intention. It is just as pure and innocent as breathing in and out. The purpose is connected to our values and beliefs. The only time we struggle to see it is when we live a life that does not the model who we say we are. My purpose is in my smile, my actions and my character. It’s intertwined with my belief in a God who reigns above my life and orders my steps and my obedience to walk a journey of compassion and love.