In a world that has made everything easily accessible and instant, Tondani finds herself constantly chastising herself for her weak sense of will. She has been giving into situations so easily and she has lost the once resolute fight to upkeep her values.
She has allowed herself to gain so much weight because, why the heck not, life is easier doing what is comfortable. This has recently been her attitude towards everything. She has allowed her work to fall behind as she entertains her bosses demand for her attention and affection, the pay raise has been a good motivation that her hard work previously never earned her as many digits as she is now banking. She has signed on a bigger mortgage because it makes her look good before her peers and she has just never bothered to maintain her relationships because she has no interest in making anything work as long as it has no direct benefit to her.
This, her mother has recently observed and grieved in silence as she has sees her daughter slip into oblivion. How she so wishes her daughter could be more prudent about her life. That she would go pick up her morals where she dropped them and stand tall for what is just. After all she was a good woman and mother all her life, a great example to her children, but Tondani seems to have missed the lessons somewhere along her journey in life.
Tondani looks carefree, to be frank she looks lost with no care of being found. Her eyes remain wide at all times, as though constantly surprised or shocked by something that has just occurred. She stares people to their soul and combatively wins the unspoken battle to never look away. How else can she maintain the fissard of the perfect life and contentment. Deep down though, in the depth of her core, she is fighting a million battles, drowning in despair and at the same time praying for an angel, a miracle to yank her out of the bottomless pit she has fallen through.
She asks herself, if ever she were just, honest in her ways and resilient in her walk to do only what was right and acceptable… would that be a strength? or are her current battles and the disparity of her life what makes her strong?
Was her mother’s struggle to be perfect in the face of society real strength? Was her mom’s devotion to the church to prove herself just the strength needed? Or struggling to make her marriage seem solid whilst her individuality seized to exist more honorable and a strength of character? Tondani struggles to find the answers.
She sits quietly in a park overlooking a dam with the sun threatening to disappear into the mountains and invite the dark of the night. Tondani considers visiting her mother. To lay her head on her mother’s shoulder and pour it all out, to empty her heavy cup and strip her soul bare and lay the broken pieces with the hope to gain some insight for the strength that she seeks desperately.